Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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