her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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