so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
