I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
