this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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