billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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