i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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