I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize