Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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