Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize