Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
