You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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