Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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