got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize