Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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