Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
