Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
