I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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