i think my mom watched the whole time
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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