Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
