what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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