Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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