she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
