I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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