Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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