i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
