After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
