I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize