you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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