sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
