2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
