Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
