I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
