Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
