it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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