I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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