Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
