And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
