Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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