when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
