She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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