You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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