I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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