I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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