I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
