Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
