I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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