Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
