just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
no more duck duck goose at the bar
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
