i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i dont even know how to be here
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mom said you looked used
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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