im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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