i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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