My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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