I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
