i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize