Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
