My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
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he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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