I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
