You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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