During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
