When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Even my vagina gasped.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
