the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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