The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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